Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 Reflection

As I look back over this past year it's hard to believe where I was at this very moment 1 year ago.  I had a newborn baby.  I had forgotten what sleep, friends, or showers were.  I felt like I was spending most of my time trying to figure out this whole nursing thing.  My house was a disaster, which drove me nuts!  My whole life was turned upside-down and my husband and I were trying to learn what our new normal was going to be. 

2013 was a year of learning the new normal.  As soon as we figured something out and got into the routine, our new normal needed to change again.  Whether it was my sleep schedule (or lack there of), returning to work, my husband's new job, or going from a newborn to a busy toddler, we were constantly learning a new normal.  Looking back to this very moment last year I had no clue how I was going to make it.  I thought the sleep deprivation would never end.  I thought I'd forever need to take a shower at 1:00 am because that was the only time I could find to take a shower (yes, I took many a shower at 1:00 am).  But now I see that all this stuff was only short lived.  Sure it didn't feel short lived at the time, but eventually I developed a new normal for a short period of time and moved on.
I am amazed and very proud of myself of how far I've become.  2013 has also been a year of growth for me.  I came face to face with a lot of challenges this year.  I was prepared for some of those challenges, but I was no where near prepared for all the challenges I would face.  It's because of these challenges, I feel like I have really grown a lot this past year.  I am constantly amazed at how I've grown and overcome some of the challenges and fears I faced.  I'm proud of myself for that.  It wasn't easy and I still have a lot of growing to do.  I pray that in 2014 God can continue to help me grow in the areas of my life I find that I am still struggling with.

Lastly, 2013 was the year of sacrifice for me.  When I was pregnant I knew that once our little bundle of joy would arrive that there would have to be a lot of sacrifices on my part.  I was not prepared for all the sacrifices I would really have to make.  I sacrificed my "me" times, my meal times, my showers, my sleep, and my clean house, just to name a few.  Overall, I'm happy to make a lot of the sacrifices I did for my family, yet I would be lying if I said that all my sacrifices were good.  I would sacrifice my time alone to rejuvenate only to find myself even more tired, stressed and burnt out.  I hope I can learn where that fine line is on positive verses negative sacrifices. 

I'm grateful for all my experiences I had in 2013.  I wouldn't trade them for the world.  I hope to experience even more wonderful experiences in 2014.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

My Struggles with Separation Anxiety

I love being a mom.  I love my little girl unconditionally and I can't imagine our lives without her.  But sometimes it's hard being a mom.  Just this weekend I felt like I had no freedom and had to miss out on fun things because I was caring for my little girl.

My baby defiantly has separation anxiety.  When I'm around she doesn't want anyone else.  There's only one other person she will willingly go to when I'm around and that's one of her daycare teachers.  Otherwise, when I'm around and she's awake she wants me to devote all my time to her.  Sometimes I have to hide just to get some alone time.  However, that hasn't been working as well as it has in the past now that she's walking.  She knows how to hunt me down better.  Yesterday I wasn't allowed to eat breakfast in piece.  She cried for the first whole hour that we were awake.  The only times she didn't cry was when I was holding her.  However it's hard to make and eat breakfast and hold a baby sometimes.  After breakfast I finally got her to calm down and we rocked for almost 1/2 hour.  Normally I can deal with the crying, but I have to admit it does get to me and I just can't handle it.  Once my hubby got home I went and hid in the basement.  I just needed alone time.

Other struggles is I have is I feel like I'm not allow to go out and enjoy stuff.  The daycare had a Christmas Program this weekend.  It was a lot of fun and really cute, but my little girl apparently had so much fun shaking the jingle bells she wanted to go back up front and I had to miss most of the program because I had to take her out into the church lobby (our daycare is located in a church).

I've also missed several church serves over the past couple of months because of the separation anxiety.  I can drop her off in the church nursery and if I'm lucky I can go down and enjoy a song or two before the announcements.  Then our number flashes up on the little screen and we get paged to come back up to the nursery.  Today was a real treat.  I got to sit through the whole church service.  What a treat!

It's hard being a mom sometimes.  I never realized how many sacrifices I would have to make sometimes.  Most of the time I'm happy to make those sacrifices.  But sometimes I just need a break and re-energize myself.  But I feel like it's hard to get that time to myself unless I take a day off from work or leave the house.  Well what if I just want to sit at home and relax?  Well, there's a baby and she will hunt me down or I will hear her.  Hopefully this separation anxiety will pass and when she gets passed off to dad or anyone else there will be no screaming.